Operation: Cuddle Tony
by Smackalicious
Summary: Abby notices Tony's dour mood and decides she needs to do something about it, with McGee's help, of course. But McGee's not going to let her take all the credit. Will be Tony Abby McGee romance at the end. CHAPTER FOUR UP JANUARY 18TH!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This fic is going to end up as Tony/Abby/McGee, so if that bothers you at all, I recommend turning back now. It's going to be cute and sweet and funny, though, or at least that's the way I intend on it being. Enjoy! Comments are love.**

Abby turned the corner of the bullpen and saw Tony at his desk, in his usual position – leaned back in his chair, feet up on his desk, balancing a pencil on his nose. The pencil fell off and Tony sighed, tossing his feet off the desk and scooting up to the desk, beginning to type away at the keyboard.

Abby furrowed her eyebrows. He didn't look very happy. That was unusual. Rather than asking him about it – he was rather engrossed in his case report, after all – she brushed past his desk and over to McGee's, plopping herself down on the right corner.

McGee looked up, raising an eyebrow. "Yes? Is there something I can do for you, Abby?" She pointed to Tony's desk. He continued to look at her with confusion. "Tony? What about him?"

"He looks sad," she said, pouting and crossing her arms over her chest, still looking at the senior agent's desk.

"And you expect me to help how?" McGee asked, leaning back in his chair. "This is Tony we're talking about."

"I don't know," Abby said, still pouting. "But maybe we could do something nice for him."

"Us?" he asked. "As in you and me?"

She turned to look at him, narrowing her eyes at his expression. "Yes, as in you and me. Tony's so sweet. He deserves someone to pay attention to him."

McGee chuckled, garnering another glare from Abby. "Sorry, Abby, you know I'm willing to do most anything for you, but Tony?" He shook his head. "The moment I'd do something like that..."

"The moment you'd do something like that what, Timmy? You afraid Tony's gonna say something about your sexuality again?"

McGee frowned. "Well, yes. I don't need him spreading rumors around NCIS."

Abby leaned in, as if she had a secret to share with him. "It's not a rumor if it's true, Tim."

His face pinkened and he turned away from her, facing his computer screen. "No one needs to know, Abby. Especially not Tony."

Abby laughed. It was a dark sound, unusual for her. "I'm sure Tony would be very pleased if he knew."

McGee shifted his eyes to look at her, raising an eyebrow as he asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Oh, no reason," she said, hopping off his desk. "If you won't help me, I'll just do it myself." With that, she swaggered away, stopping briefly at Tony's desk and bending down to whisper something to him, which he laughed at, and as she walked away to the elevator, Tony gave her a little swat on the rearend and then turned his attention back to his computer, grinning.

McGee scowled and turned to his own computer. There was no way Abby was going to get away with this. She was going to make him look like the bad guy if he didn't do everything possible to put Tony in a better mood. He just had to one-up her with everything she did, and if that didn't work, he'd find out exactly why Tony would be so happy to find out the secret of his bisexuality.


	2. Chapter 2

Abby paced her lab, slurping a Caff!Pow and thinking out loud. 

"Tony, what does Tony love? Tony loves movies. I could take him to a movie. He might think that's a date, though. Not that that would be a _bad_ thing for him to think. I could definitely go for that idea."

Her eyes flickered around the room, taking in the various equipment, as if looking at her spectrometers and computers would help her think of ideas. She stopped.

"Wait. Computers. Tony doesn't like them, but McGee does. He said he wasn't going to help, but I wouldn't put it past him to try to one-up me on this. I mean, like he wants Tony on his bad side. I better do my thinking in my head."

She moved over in front of her computer desk, thumping the Caff!Pow on the surface, and squinted her eyes and jutted out her chin - her thinking pose.

She was so into her thoughts that she didn't hear the lab doors shush open and someone enter.

"Abby?" It was Ziva. "What are you doing?"

Abby didn't move, just continued to look ahead, squinting. "Thinking."

Ziva smirked. "McGee's doing the same thing upstairs."

Abby flipped around, pigtails whipping wildly. "He didn't steal any of my ideas, did he? I _knew_ I shouldn't have mentioned anything out loud."

Ziva looked confused. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Abby. Ideas for what?"

Abby sighed and pulled Ziva out of the computer's range, just in case McGee _was_ listening in. "I wanted to do something nice for Tony, and McGee won't help me. He's probably planning something so great it'll make me look like chump change." She frowned at the floor, looking disheartened.

Ziva furrowed her eyebrows. "Why would you want to do something nice for Tony?"

"Why not, Ziva? Tony's the sweetest guy."

Ziva let out a brief laugh, then covered her mouth. "Sorry. It's just that I never thought I'd hear the words 'Tony' and 'sweetest guy' in the same sentence."

Abby shook her head, saddened by Ziva's perception of one of her closest friends. "Tony's just insecure, that's why he acts like such a jerk all the time. I know the _real_ Tony, and he's much different than the Tony you always see. And because I know the real Tony, I know that he's kinda down right now. And that is why I'm doing something sweet for him."

"So," Ziva started, piecing everything together, "because Tony made an asinine comment about my driving being worse than a blind ape driving a car with a broken brake pedal, that really means he was feeling insecure about his own life?"

"Oh, no," Abby corrected her. "He really does think you're a bad driver." A machine on the far side of the lab beeped and Abby skipped off to remove the test results.

Ziva shook her head and yelled across the lab to Abby, "Gibbs said he wants those test results..."

"Yesterday!" Abby finished for her. "I know!" She poked her head back around the corner. "Please don't tell McGee any of my ideas."

"You never told me any of your ideas."

Abby brightened. "Right. Tell Gibbseroo his results are in and I'm ready to spill."

Ziva shook her head again. "Will do, Abby. Nice talking to you."

"Ditto!" Abby yelled out from where she was hidden.

Ziva smiled and rode the elevator back up to the bullpen, where she first announced to Gibbs that Abby was ready for him, then, as soon as he was out of the room, zoomed over to McGee's desk.

"I know your secret," she said, raising her eyebrows suggestively and putting on a sexy smirk.

McGee's eyes shot up to her face. "Not so loud! You want the whole office to hear?"

Ziva opened her mouth slightly and rolled her tongue around her bottom gum, stalling just enough to make McGee even more nervous. "I just talked to Abby," she whispered, her eyebrows asking the question her words didn't: Wanna explain?

McGee sighed. "She told you about Tony?"

Ziva nodded slowly. "She attempted to explain just how 'sweet' he really is, and why you two are doing nice things for him. Personally, I don't get it. Tony's nice to Abby, but everyone's nice to Abby. You realize that being nice to him is just going to get you more harassment from him?"

"Ziva, I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself. I appreciate your concern, but I'll do what I want."

Ziva shrugged. "Suit yourself. But don't say I didn't warn you." She swaggered back to her desk, shooting Tony a look that said, "I know something you don't know."

McGee looked down at the list he was making. The latest thing he had written was "movies." He crossed it off, crumpled the piece of paper and tossed it in the trash can beside his desk. Being nice to Tony was going to be a lot harder than it looked.


	3. Chapter 3

Darkness filled the bullpen as Abby exited the elevator. She had finally thought up something appropriate to make Tony feel better. Dinner and a movie sounded basic enough, but double cheese and pepperoni pizza with a James Bond marathon would be heaven for Tony.

She scanned the office, searching for Tony and also looking to see if McGee was still around. If McGee had gotten to Tony before she did... Ooh, she would kick his butt.

"Tony, you here?" she called out, after her visual inventory of the office had turned up nothing.

"He left about an hour ago," Ziva's voice sounded from her desk. "With McGee."

"No way!" Abby stomped over to Ziva's desk. "I _knew _he was up to something." She suddenly braced herself against the desk and bent over, face mere inches from Ziva's. "Alright, what did you say to him?"

"I'd be careful when pointing fingers, Abigail," Ziva said, the use of Abby's full name announcing she was serious.

Abby slowly stood. "Right. I'm gonna go track them down. Maybe we can make it a threesome!" Ziva's eyebrows rose at that final statement, but she remained silent. "Would you have any idea where they went?" Abby batted her eyebrows at Ziva, hoping she could work her charms on the Israeli woman.

Ziva studied Abby for a moment, then turned back to her computer. "No, I don't believe I can help you."

"Oh, come on, Ziva," Abby said, stomping her foot like an indignant child. "I'm sorry. I promise I'll be nice. I need to know where they are!"

Ziva slowly turned her head and surveyed the goth, who had her head tipped and was giving her puppy dog eyes. "They may have mentioned something about a guy's night out."

Abby waited for Ziva to continue and, when she didn't, craned her neck forward. "And? Come on, I can't read minds. A guy's night out could mean anything. Did they say where?"

"Abby, it's not my job to listen in on Tony and McGee," Ziva said, closing her eyes in frustration. "They just left. If you really want to know where they are, call one of them."

"Yeah, why didn't I think of that?" Abby agreed, nodding. She skipped off, boots clomping loudly across the tile, and as she reached the elevator, announced, "I'll be sure to let you know how things go, Ziva! Thanks for all your help!"

Ziva smirked and turned back to her computer, knowing full well that Abby wouldn't let her down on that promise.

Abby rode the elevator impatiently down to the lab, where she could trace Tony and McGee's location when Tony picked up his phone. She grinned to herself. She had this plan down. Sure, McGee could go through with his plan, she was fine with that, but she wanted to be witness, make sure he didn't outdo her.

The doors slid open and she exited, bolting for her phone and pressing the speed dial for Tony's cell number. As she waited for him to pick up, she wondered where the two men could be, and just what they were doing...

...The sound of "Goldfinger" filled the interior of Tony's car, causing McGee to raise an eyebrow.

"Sorry, I just changed the ringtone last week," Tony apologized, fumbling around for his phone in his back pocket, while McGee worriedly flickered his gaze between the road and Tony's ministrations. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Sure," McGee said, eyes still darting back and forth. "Uh, Tony, don't you think you should pay attention to the road?"

"Sure, Probes," Tony said off-handedly, retrieving the phone and glancing at the screen. "Abbs. I wonder what she wants." He was just about to press the talk button when McGee interrupted him.

"No!"

Tony raised an eyebrow at him. "No? It's just Abby." He made to press the button again, but McGee snatched the phone from his hand before he could. "Hey!"

"Sorry, Tony, but I can't let you be bothered," McGee said.

Tony narrowed his eyebrows further. "What the hell is going on, Tim? Abby know something about tonight that I don't know? You got something planned?"

McGee sighed. "No. No, it's just, I thought we were gonna hang out, do guy stuff. I don't want Abby ruining that." He looked away, hoping that was a good enough explanation and that Tony wouldn't push it further.

Tony tipped his chin up, still questioning McGee's unwillingness to let him answer his own phone. "Okay. Whatever you say. Can I have my phone back? I don't have oodles of cash to toss around from _Deep Sixed_, you know."

McGee rolled his eyes at the grin on Tony's face. "Don't start on that again. Here's your damn phone." He slammed the phone back in Tony's hand.

"Aww, come on," Tony said, noticing the scowl McGee was now giving the passenger window. "Look, we'll do our thing, and then I'll give Abby a call to see what she wanted. Fair?"

McGee nodded abruptly. "Yeah."

Tony pressed the "ignore" button on his phone, effectively cutting Abby off, then flipped the phone to the center console, where a blinking red light signalled a voicemail from the dark-haired lady...

... Abby ended the call in exasperation, flopping down into an office chair, which sent her rolling slowly backwards.

"He didn't pick up, did he?"

Abby swiveled around, facing Ziva. "No, he didn't pick up. McGee musta saw through my plan. I just wanted to do something nice for Tony." She stood up and wandered back to her computer, sliding the mouse around and clicking on the shorcut for her media player, clicking around a few more times and filling the lab with the sounds of metal music.

Ziva winced at the sudden explosion of noise, then opened her mouth to speak. "Maybe you should give McGee a break. That's all he's trying to do, too."

Abby slumped her shoulders. "I know. But he didn't want to help me. And now he's going to outdo me."

An evil grin slowly spread across Ziva's face. "I may have a way to help you out, Abby," she announced.

Abby spun around, eyes glowing. "Really? What?"

Ziva continued to grin. Oh, yes, Tony was going to be _very_ happy when they finished here.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"You're totally sure they're not here?" Abby asked worriedly as Ziva wiggled at the lock on Tony's apartment door.

"They said they were going out," she responded, jamming a pick into the doorknob. "So I'm guessing that doesn't mean here."

"I'm so excited, Ziva," Abby announced, bouncing slightly, causing the paper bags she held in her arms to rustle. "Thank you so much for helping me. I couldn't have done any of this without you."

Ziva stood up from her position of picking the lock and smiled genuinely. "You are welcome. And breaking into Tony's apartment is something I've always wanted to do, anyway." She pushed the door open and motioned for Abby to enter, which she did, still with a slight skip to her step.

"Tony is never going to know what hit him," Abby said, depositing the bags on the kitchen counter and pulling out DVDs and 6-packs of beer.

"Right," Ziva said, looking uncomfortable standing next to the couch. "Well, I have to be going."

"Oh," Abby said, feeling slightly uncomfortable herself for getting Ziva involved in all this and then just leaving her out of the plans. "If you change your mind, I'm sure there will be enough beer for everyone, and I have yet to order the pizza..." She made some motions with her hands as she talked, suggesting that she was open to her staying.

Ziva shook her head. "Thank you, Abby, for the offer, but I have business to take care of." She suddenly got a dark look on her face that told Abby she didn't want to interrupt whatever it was Ziva had to do.

"Alright, then," Abby said. "You have fun with that."

Ziva turned and left, leaving Abby alone to finish transforming Tony's apartment into party central. She rubbed her hands together in anticipation, waggling her eyebrows. "Let's get this sucker going."

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Music blared across the smoky bar, so loud that McGee had to yell to Tony what he wanted to drink. "Coors Lite," he announced, but rather than Tony ordering the drink as requested, he raised an eyebrow at McGee.

"Coors Lite?" he repeated, grimacing like he had just tasted the offending beer.

"Yeah," McGee said, "I happen to like it."

Tony chuckled. "Oh, Timmy, there are man drinks, and then there are women drinks."

McGee narrowed his eyebrows. "Are you trying to say I drink feminine alcohol?"

"Listen, forget I said anything."

"No, no, you brought it up, and I, I am here to expand my horizons, try out new things."

Tony grimaced again. "Well, the first thing you can do is stop using phrases like 'expand my horizons.' Of course, that's probably just the writer in you." He said the last part of his statement in a mock British accent and mimicked smoking a pipe.

McGee rolled his eyes and sighed. "That's not funny, Tony. Listen, if all you're going to do is make fun of me, I can go home and we can forget about this." He turned to leave, but felt Tony's hand on his shoulder and froze in his spot.

"I said I was sorry," Tony said softly, his tone serious.

McGee felt a slight chill run up his spine and told himself it was just the cool air from the open freezer in back of the bar, but knew better. Tony should _not _have been having that kind of effect on him. He turned around.

"Okay, then. What do you suggest I drink?"

Tony's mouth turned upwards in a devious grin as he removed his hand from McGee's shoulder. "You are never going to go back to your lite beer after tonight."

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Abby slumped down on Tony's sofa. "Where are they?" she whispered to herself. It was well after 11 o'clock, and she still hadn't heard from them. She had expected them to be out for a few hours, then Tony would come back and discover the surprise she had waiting for him at his place.

Everything was all set up and ready for their party – the pizza had arrived half an hour before and was congealing in the box as she waited. She had even _re_decorated, she was so bored.

Finally, just as she was considering opening the pizza and eating it all by her lonesome, she heard the distinct sound of men laughing, and then of keys jangling and being shoved into the doorknob – or attempting to be shoved, to be accurate.

A few minutes later, the door flung wide open, and both Tony and McGee came stumbling in, laughing hysterically. Abby stood by the counter, too shocked to be upset.

Tony looked up and towards the kitchen and saw Abby standing there. "Abby! What are you doing here?"

"You're drunk!" she exclaimed, disregarding his question and walking towards the men.

"Whoa, who called you?" McGee asked, squinting.

"No one called me, Timmy," Abby said, now standing directly in front of them. "I had Ziva break in here..."

"Ziva!" Tony exclaimed. "Where is she? Ziva, where are you?" He started wandering around, pushing past Abby, calling for Ziva.

"She's not here," Abby answered him, turning around. "I wanted to do something special for you."

Tony faced her again, squinting his eyes. "Aw, Abbs, that's sweet. Sorry I wasn't here."

"Yeah, you obviously had more fun with McGee," she said, pouting and slumping onto the couch.

"Hey now, that's not true," Tony said, stumbling over to join her on the couch. "I'm sure I would've had even more fun if I were here with you rather than with the Probester."

"Hey!" McGee commented, realizing that Tony was insulting him.

Tony gave McGee a look, then turned back to Abby, who was still pouting. "Come on, you like Timmy. Can't we all have fun together?"

Abby let a timid smile creep across her face. This was exactly her plan – get two of her favorite boys together, make them think she was upset with them spending time together instead of with her, and then she could really make plans for this threesome. "Fine. I did bring over extra beer and there should be enough pizza..."

"Pizza!" Tony exclaimed, jumping up from the couch, then wobbling a little before regaining his balance. "Where?"

"In the kitchen," Abby laughed, and before she could get out any further words, both Tony and McGee were rushing to the kitchen, tearing open the boxes on the counter and releasing the aroma of pizza into the room.

Abby jumped up from the couch herself to join the boys, knowing full well if she didn't stake her claim, she wouldn't get any of the cheesy treat. "How about we move this party into the other room? I brought over some movies..." she announced, causing Tony to look up at her, his mouth full of pepperoni and dough. "James Bond marathon!" she squealed, causing Tony to grin a tomatoey grin and wrap his free arm around her shoulders.

Abby grinned herself, knowing that it wouldn't be long before she'd get both these boys to admit some secrets they'd been hiding for quite some time.


End file.
